John 8:32
" and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
The 21st century is indeed one of the most peculiar ages in the history of the world. An oxymoron of wonderment decadence. A plethora of technological advancement versus rapid growth in sedentary lifestyles. A paucity of affection and assistance versus an avant guard of self indulgent intellectuals. The indelible emergence and reign of the media empire (tv, films, radio, blogs, Internet and interactive tools) versus a social revolution in both acute and chronic moral rebellion. An age of instant gratification, and a vaudeville of performers joined together in a splendid variety of revolutionary crafts and tasteless arts.
A STOP sign is instantly attributed negatively as a symbol of weakness; while the coveted ideal is an emerald light, which beacons you to ride forth with your dreams- no matter what they may be. This very ideology has brought me to my knees in sheer exhaustion, and complete frustration, at the endless trail of a garbage full trashcan, which I failed to STOP and empty.
As a woman headed to the top, you cannot be caught up in vulnerability. When you throw your pearls before swines and they beat you up, trample upon your jewels... you take it in your strides and move on. Strength is in your inability to release or vent pain.
When you lose a loved one to the cold hands of betrayal and the future lies in bleak uncertainty- walk into the boardroom the next day and put up a steel front; displaying none of the threads of your inner soul that threatens to fall apart stitch by stitch.
When your decision to get pregnant is hinged on the basis of your resigned acceptance of a stunted growth on wall street; you stare hatefully at your breasts before you in the mirror and take up a hateful feminist outlook on life. Begin a futile war on gender inequality- after all that's all you can really do.
No retreat no surrender. Stilettos on my feet, Louis Vuitton purse in my hand; looking like a million bucks on the outside, with a glare of defiance brighting up my eyes. But defeat in my heart, a cry to stop in my soul- an endless turntable spin of the songs of freedom in my spirit. However, I get into my car put in my CD- "How to conquer your world with assertiveness, self reliance and self assurance". I turn up the volume on the player and drown out the wretched pleas of my soul.
Honestly, I wanted to stop. I longed to stop but how could I perform such an abomination? To stop was to incur being a scrounge of the earth; a sluggard from the pit of nothingness; a lazy soul burying the talent bestowed upon her; a worm feasting on a tetanus wound and licking the injury with much relish.
You see- the excuse of exhaustion was the tetanus wound. The cry to stop and think was the burial of the gift of life and talent; the lack of satisfaction from an empty life, with a filled trashcan trailing my every move was synonymous to whinny injury licking! At least that was how I saw things in my understanding and analysis.
So no- I didn't stop. I would be great like my contemporaries and contenders. I was an ambitious woman who wouldn't stop when life gave me a kick so hard I doubled over. I wouldn't stop when God sought my attention with unplanned circumstances- nope I wouldn't and didn't stop.
Wrong choices mixed with right decisions kept me going. Vanity upon vanity fueled my incessant climb to victory, and the pain stricken denial of the horrid smell behind me and the pit within me, helped me go to bed at night. Yes, I was determined to be someone who would fit perfectly with the fools of this age. I was going to gain the whole world with its shallowness and lose my soul in a forlorn empty way of living.
Thankfully, the lover of my soul and the Father of my spirit won't give up on me. The nudging on my insides got stronger and more intense. Suddenly it made sense! I was headed for a crash- I was set on a collision course with hell and I was going on a high speed; it was high time to step hard on my brakes!
My eternal slavery was a reality- it was so tangible I could taste it. Therefore, if death and eternal damnation was as real as a bath of ice water on my skin: I knew there had to be a truth, light and freedom that could caress, heal and bring warmth to the depth of my inner belly, which would spring forth from the inside out.
I started thinking about life and I found the lie that stole every good thing I had from me- SELF. Myself!!!
Self: A false praise
Self: A lie
Self: A thief
Self: A cheating coward
Self is Nothing.
I didn't plan my birth into the world. I have no idea why I came through my parents- neither did I invent colors so pretty, nor was I responsible for the production of noise in my voice box.
My intelligence isn't mine- I have nothing do to with not being retarded.
My beauty isn't mine- I didn't have a say in my race or skin color
My accomplishments aren't mine- the ability to move and perform have nothing to do with me.
I exchanged the truth of my Creator and God with a lie of self! I turned to my own way and went astray like a sheep about to be devoured by the wolf of SELF! I believed in myself when I boasted of being a harbinger of dreams and a prodigy of priceless worth. What a joke- I had nothing! I am alive because someone wants me here. I didn't even get to choose whose belly I'd come out from. My wisdom was foolishness, and my self confidence was baseless- I didn't birth myself into existence!
The totality of my being is the ingenuity of someone greater than I. The heart that pumps blood through my veins; the articles, ventricles and network of cells in my body is the sheer wisdom of a being higher than I. My spirit, which gives my body life, and my soul, which gives my mind understanding is the creation of a God whose thoughts and ways are unfathomable.
Wow! The truth of my existence, and the vapid ventures of my life took me on an earnest quest for my soul's maker. I found Him- JESUS CHRIST. The giver of life, peace, joy and righteousness. In him I found purpose and satisfaction; rest and compassion; wisdom and love. He is the
giver of rest to my endless labor of meaninglessness. In him I live, breathe, and have my being.
Indeed, I can say now with God that "the wisdom and SELFish ways of the 21st century is foolishness before God... For no man has received anything except what has been given to him from heaven... For he causes the rain to fall both on the righteous and the wicked".
Teespice
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